Tuesday, December 17, 2013



The dreams early in the night seem to be dreams that are the result of processing the day’s events.  Sometimes, even before true sleep, in the alpha state, I begin dreaming.  Elements float into my mind—objects, images, ideas, faces, in a kind a drift like loose matter in space, swirling together.  Soon they begin to coalesce and become nascent stories in meaningless snatches.  A dinosaur that looks like a wildebeest with horns that swivel on a plate.  Something about a shoe.  An old friend.  I see these dreams as a metaphor for the divine mind.  Just as my dreams are formed by these elements, collecting together, drawn together, so does the Universe constantly create itself from the swirl, manifesting solid from the nebulous.

It feels like with each successive wave of dreaming, the dreams become deeper, more meaningful.  It is toward morning that they evolve into full planets of narrative.  Here is where they become coherent in the way that only dreams do, with specific ideas, feelings, and intuitions coming clear.  

It is here, in this space that some of my most beautiful writing begins.  I will awaken with a thought, a phrase, a name, or a sentence.  Sadly, they are fleeting and I often fail to capture them in the gravity of my waking thought, watching helplessly as they drift away.  

I’ve been paying more attention to my dreams in recent years. Impossible things happen in dreams:  I wake to find myself sleeping next to the dream figment of my ex-husband after a helicopter crash at an airport.  Or I have been to the beach where I was in a beautiful white house with many levels, watching a distant storm.  Or I fly to a great mountain by a great sea to visit with angels.

I am learning some of the language of my dreams.  Last night, I dreamed I was back in college—a new college, and I had to take Spanish every day.  But I was also scheduled to take another more important class at the same time two days a week.  My professor was concerned that I would be able to keep up.  I assured him I could, knowing secretly that if I couldn’t, I would drop the class before it affected my GPA.  The other class (I cannot now remember what it was, but it felt like an important extracurricular activity) was more important to ME and took priority over Spanish.  

I think there are three kinds of dreams:  processing dreams, symbolic dreams and spirit dreams.  Sometimes they overlap or mingle.

Spirit dreams are deeply powerful and otherworldly.  I believe they are the dreams or memories of leaving our bodies and traveling—to other people or to the spirit realms. Sometimes we stay in our bodies and others come to us—deceased friends or relatives, angels, spirit guides.  Rarely, they are predictive, and offer us glimpses into the future.  I have had dreams like this since early childhood, but they do not come often.  In my case, they are usually about places I will go and see.  One example is the image of Montana I experienced as a teenager, thought I did not know it was Montana until many years later, as we were exiting the Billings airport.  The airport sits on a butte and the road descends into the landscape of Montana—as we drove, the dream flashed back to me in full detail, only in the dream there were no houses or even an airport, only this particular place on the earth and I knew that dinosaur bones lay beneath the surface and that there was ancient magic in the land.

Dream memories are elusive.  Like spring ice on a river, the moment you awaken, they begin to quickly thaw and break into pieces, to be carried away on whatever current that brings us such things.  Sometimes upon awakening, we must write them down or tell them immediately, so we can cement them into our memories.  Well, more like “lightly paste” rather than “cement,” because after they are told they are still fragile and can blow away on the merest wisp of wind. 

After writing the above section, I returned to bed and, of course, to dreaming.  I returned to the dream about college Spanish class.  I was in a new school (new for me, old building). It wasn’t that I had to MISS Spanish class it was that I had something I had to do that made me LATE to Spanish class. 
Then someone pointed out that there was an elevator that would take me there.  So, after completing my required task (still don’t know what it is), I got on the elevator. It was very small, like the elevator at the first hotel in Ecuador, and asked which floor.  22.  I pushed the ancient button and the elevator lurched upward. It did not stop however until it got to the top.  When it did stop, the door opened and I was only part-way into the opening.  The floor was at my shoulder level and I couldn’t climb out.  Plus, there was a gap of about a foot between the elevator and the destination.  

The top floor was the library and I finally got someone’s attention to get some help.  But he didn’t actually help me out, just told me to push the next button down (21) and it should straighten itself out.  I did as instructed, a little irritated that nobody actually helped me get OUT.  The door did not close, so this time, I could see the inner walls of the shaft as they passed and when it stopped again, it also did not reach the floor, but lower than the classroom, like at the library.  I also asked again for help, and class was in session. Then Rick, who must have also been in class, came to help me out.  I handed him my books, but made him wait.  I also had some food left from lunch, three or four drinks, two of which were alcoholic (three!).  One was half-finished, so I finished it off, then drank another, then handed the other two (one was in a margarita glass, another was a straight glass with red liquid) and the non-alcoholic (probably a Pepsi) out to him.  Then I realized I had my bedclothes in the elevator with me and I had to remember to bring my bankie, so I fished around for that for a few seconds, and handed it out to him.  Just as I was about to exit the elevator with Rick’s help, the real Rick came and woke me up.  Before that, I was able to complain to the professor, “How can a world-class university NOT have a working elevator?” I was indeed leaving the elevator and so was “rescued” in spite of the fact that I was awakened prematurely.

Now I have some dream imagery to work with, so let’s get to work.

To dream that you are ascending in an elevator represents a rise to status and wealth. You may have risen to a higher level of consciousness and are looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint.

So far, so good.  Both seem to be true to my life.  But I had difficulties getting there (true dat!), and in the end, it was only with Rick’s help that I attained the next to the top floor (is the library symbolic of my “arrival”?).  He helped me carry my baggage—my insecurities represented by the blanket (bankie), the leftover food and the drinks.  Please note that none of those things caused the elevator to malfunction.  It was just an old, cranky elevator.  Being stuck in it is a literal expression of my feeling of being stuck—after all, I have two master’s degrees in English and still haven’t been able to get the Psycards picked up by a publisher, or find an agent for my novel, or even find a decent-paying job in my field!  And now I am “stuck” in Phoenix for another month, although I do think that the Universe has decided I need the down-time.

To dream that you are in college indicates that you are going through some social or cultural changes. You want to expand your knowledge and awareness. It also suggests that now is a good time for you to experiment and try new things. If you had gone to college in your past, then also consider your personal experiences and memories of your college days. However, if you are currently in college, then it may be a reflection of your current surroundings. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you will achieve your goals through perseverance and hard work. You may be going through a period of stress in your life.

Here is the heart of the matter.  I DO want to go back to college and complete my Ph.D. I want to expand my spiritual knowledge as well.  I like that it suggests I can achieve this—clearly the dream indicates that I can do so with Rick’s help, because nobody else is going to, nobody else seems to care (like the students and even the professor who saw I was stuck but didn’t really help, except to give me advice.)  And it seems that I am always going through period of stress.  When have I ever NOT been going through a period of stress?

To dream that you are in a library signifies your search for knowledge and your hunger for ideas. You may be trying to seek out new meanings to life. You need to study and evaluate your situation before taking action. If the library is disorganized, then it suggests that too much information is coming at you at the same time. You are having difficulty sorting it all out.
To dream that you cannot find a book in the library or that the book you are looking for is already checked out suggests that a certain aspect of your self is lacking enrichment or is under developed.
To see a library in your dream symbolizes the knowledge you have accumulated over the years. 

I didn’t quite make it to the library, although I can see why I would select it as the goal (the top floor).  Nobody in the library would help me get out of the elevator, but they did give advice. 

To dream that you are studying a foreign language suggests that you are having difficulties expressing your thoughts. You are confronted with some unfamiliar problem that you do not know how to approach and resolve in your waking life.

Now that you mention it, I am having difficulties expressing my thoughts.  I have not felt like writing much, nor do I feel terribly inspired these days.  And I don’t know what to do about it except to wait for it to pass.  Still I worry that I will wait too long and NEVER achieve my goals of writing those novels.  There are so many sitting here in my heart waiting to be written.  Maybe if I return to school, it will jump-start the writing again?

Intuitively, I am thinking that the most important part of this dream is the part I have forgotten.  The task or meeting or time spent that has made me late to class was more important than class, yet I cannot remember what it is.  I think it had something to do with writing, actually.  I know that it was something that was more important to my personal goals than learning Spanish this semester.  After all I have taken Spanish before and if I have difficulty (like I did with Spanish II), I can drop the class and retake it later.  This gives me a better understanding of the material and a better grade as well.  I think at one point in my dream I was telling this to another student.  Yes!  I did, it was just before I took the elevator.  The other student, a woman, was also participating in this mystery activity and she was the one who told me about the elevator (she had a different class to attend).
So, I entered the elevator and pushed number 22.  

The Master Builder Number 22 denotes our knowledge, intelligence and mental capacity. Seeing the karmic Master Teacher Number 22 appearing in dreams suggests self-mastery and the knowledge that ‘all things are possible’.

This confirms that the library on the 22nd floor signifies my ultimate goal—knowledge and self-mastery. 

So you can see that dreams can be packed full of multiple symbols.  They must be understood in terms of your own life and experiences, as well as the understanding of archetypal symbols and what they mean universally.  

For myself, I take this dream to mean that I will go back for that Ph.D.  The only decision to make it which university? 

To confirm this, I did an online reading with a new oracle I have come to trust, the Anubis Oracle.Here is my reading, with the relevant parts highlighted and comments added:

The Anubis Oracle: Sacred Purpose
Sacred Purpose Spread for catt
Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Your Question:
University of Oregon or Pacifica University?

The Overarching Theme: Expressed through the archetypal principle of Nut

Nut's card represents the overarching theme of your sacred purpose, what's presently coming down upon and through you from the great star nations.

29. Tree of Life: Bast, Anubis, and Osiris
What are you dying to discover and/or renew? When this card appears, it’s time to stop and consider the concept of surrender. Through your ability to find stillness in a meditative state, you will be able to recognize how in your everyday journey, you are engaged in this shamanic rite of passage of surrender, death, renewal, and regeneration. Look for the beauty that is the inevitable result.(I am correct in recognizing this time as “down-time.”)

Bast awakens Anubis’s holy longing with fruits from the sacred tree of life. Anubis hangs in anticipation, preparing to meet his father in the depths of the waters of the dreaming world. Osiris awaits Anubis’s surrender into his watery embrace so that renewal and rebirth can result.

Your Grounding: Expressed through the archetypal principle of Geb

Geb's card represents what's grounding and supporting you, the foundation that's holding you on this earth.

8. Ma'at ~ Truth: Radiance/Balance
Ma’at is giving you the opportunity to see yourself clearly and love and accept yourself just as you are .(Including all my “baggage.”)
Take some moments to merge with Ma’at and feel the adjustment and balance she brings to your heart.

In your outer world, she may be restoring a greater balance and creating order in the wake of some chaotic situation that has occurred in your life. Take the time and make the space to let in the order Ma’at brings. (Our current layover in Phoenix.)

Ma’at is the eternal divinity who has created order from chaos since the beginning. She represents cosmic law, divine order, and justice; she is also the balance for which we strive. Her symbol is the ostrich feather, which represents truth—cosmic truth, not relative truth.

Ma’at is the powerful balancer and adjuster who helps us to accept and love the truth about ourselves. "The light, the dark—no difference." Her brilliant radiance reflects our own light back to us so that we may truly see who we are and know where our work lies as we move toward greater wholeness. She is the Regal Mistress who reigns over the Hall of Mirrors. She sees beyond right and wrong and creates divine justice in our affairs. All beings serve this radiant one, for she embodies the rule of cosmic law.

Her very being provides nourishment for the gods, and the neteru thrive in and through us when we express Ma’at in our lives. In death, our hearts are weighed against the feather of Ma’at and must be found to be as light so that we may awaken as Osiris, the goal of every ancient Egyptian.

Your Becoming: Expressed through the archetypal principle of Anubis

Anubis' card is what you are walking into or becoming, and how you are relating to the shaman who is becoming more conscious within you.

26. Entering The Mystery: Dove, Nekhbet-Mother-Mut, Nephthys, and Isis
Consider how your current life situation reflects the actions of the neteru pictured here. Something new and perhaps surprising is happening in your life, requiring you to take a chance, or plunge deeply into the unknown. You have all the support and guidance that you need.

The dove represents the petitioner who is questing through the Anubis Oracle. The innocent, trusting dove flies to meet Nekhbet-Mother-Mut. After offering the olive branch to the elder alchemist, the dove gains permission to enter into the shamanic mysteries of Egypt. Nephthys and Isis form the sacred archway through which the dove must pass to go deeper into the heart of Egypt and her mysteries.

Your Offering: Expressed through the archetypal principle of Ptah

The card of Ptah is about the sacredness of co-creation and the gifts that you give from the heart—what you create and offer to the situation you bring to the oracle or to the world as your sacred purpose.

13. Osiris ~ Regeneration: Transmutation/Beauty
You have been asked to enter deeply into the process of transmutation and regeneration. You are being given the opportunity to experience death of the old consciously and to embrace the beauty that is possible for each of us to experience as we are reborn into the next level of our potential.

Regardless of what is happening around you, take time to be quiet, and listen for the whispers from Osiris that come from the deepest recesses of your being. He will speak to you of possibilities, potential, and beauty. Feel the stirrings of regeneration within you when you commune with him.

Although Osiris has long been associated with death and called the Lord of the Underworld, it is more appropriate to acknowledge him here as the archetypal regenerative principle that transmutes outworn, deteriorating form into its renewed, shining manifestation of beauty. Osiris can be found in the primordial, watery deep, and in the river itself. He invites us to let go and rest upon his earthy green chest as he wraps his supportive arms around our bodies and turns us into that which we are in the process of becoming.

This I take to mean that it is premature to make a choice.  I must continue this restful journey before I can choose.  When the time comes, I will know, and I will have all the help I need to do so.  Carry on.

SPECIAL THANKS to Dream World, http://www.dreammoods.com/ for the very helpful interpretations of dream symbols.

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