It’s funny. Now that the anxiety has evaporated, there is a kind of empty space where it lived. And I caught myself tonight trying to find something to fill it, in an undercurrent kind of way, like just beneath my conscious awareness. Then I realized I don’t need anything to fill it. That space is where peace lives. Where relaxation lives. Where feeling safe lives. I’m still teetering in the trust place, but leaning more and more to the trust side of the issue.
I am feeling good in a deep way, a way I’ve only tried to imagine but have not experienced, except in rarefied moments, never for any sustained period of time. And I’ve been feeling this for five days now. Prosperity is arriving. The dark days of poverty are truly over. And I can FEEL that. Even though part of me is afraid to believe it, it is a part that is growing smaller.
Why is this? I don’t know. Because it is true? Certainly that is a big part of it. Because I always feel better when there is money in my pocket? Also true. Because at a deep, deep level I feel that I am indeed on my correct path. Because I am beginning to embrace my own woo-woo in a more than an intellectual way.
One of the things I’ve learned is that it is hard to be grateful for what you have when you are frightened, locked in fear or anxiety.
Now that the fear is subsiding, the gratitude is flowing in along with the actual sense of relaxation.
Went to Garden of the God today, very important to the Kokopelli novel. And all along the exploration was the feeling that I will be here again.
So here’s the plan.
- Albuquerque/Santa Fe next.
- Then through Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon and on to Las Vegas.
- Then back to Phoenix for a month or six weeks.
- Then PHX to southern California, starting in San Diego and working our way up the coast through January and February. Last week in February makes Seattle the destination. For the AAWP conference with Spalding folk.
- Next June, attend the INATS (International New Age Trade Show) in Denver and make June a Colorado tour with all my new bookstores.