Tonight I am watching Eat, Pray, Love. I was thinking about this movie today—and indeed since I first started the blog, so I take the appearance of it tonight as a sign of affirmation from the Universe.
I hope that my spiritual journey and writing about it will become something like Eat, Pray, Love—a story that give us hope that we can find our authentic selves—if only we are willing to pursue it.
When we feel driven to do something, be something, accomplish something, to become something or someone greater than we do or are right now, we must follow that drive, despite the “others” who will tell us that we “should” do or be something else or someone else.
I am lucky—I have a partner, a man, a love in my life that is willing to accompany my on this journey. It’s a lot less scary than doing it alone. Of course, the danger is that I will collapse into his presence, become so dependent on him that if I am ever faced with being without him, I might truly collapse—just fold up and die. So, I must remember to love him, to appreciate him, but to remain my own self, too. Fierce and feisty and funny. Independent, not co-dependent.
But the Universe has called me to go forth into the world. And provided me with the perfect companion—a man who is funny and warm, patient and cheerful—most of the qualities I lack. And we have the RV, so we are never truly homeless, and I must release my PTSD fears from my previous homelessness. I remind myself every day that I have put all my old wounds and resentments onto paper and lit them in a ceremonial fire of release and forgiveness. They cannot haunt me anymore. And if I am tempted to pull them up and wallow in them, I have that fiery moment to remind me that I don’t belong there anymore. I am here, now, and I am a new me, a better me, spreading her wings and flying off into the world, into my own best life.