Anticipation

June 12, 2012

Facing the idea of a two-year self-imposed simplification of my life brings mixed feelings.  The main sense is one of relief and relaxation.  To have less to think about, to worry about, to clean and dust and maintain, is freeing.  The second is one of anticipation—I look forward to having time to read, to think, to write, to be creative without the distractions and demands of modern life. 

These are followed closely by fear/anxiety.  What am I doing?  How will I feel safe?  Will I suffer anxiety all the time if I am rootless?  Or will I simply be able to shed my anxieties and embrace the wonderful world of simply living?

I know this:  the more I pack and the less stuff I am surrounded by, the better I am feeling.  This is a spiritual journey above all and no spiritual journey was ever without its contradictions and paradoxes.  In fact the journey is about making your peace with all that.  And learning it experientially, because knowing something in your head and truly knowing it are two different things.

I look forward to a chance to remember how to be me, just me, my original self.